Understanding
by TsukiNamida
Summary: Ziggy wasn't a bad guy, really. But he had seen too much, been through too much, to have who he is now not be a mask. He reflects on his current situation and ponders on what to do. And why does Dillon always seem to know? His reflections and more. Depressive!Ziggy.
1. Can't wash it all away

Ziggy was many things: he was the loudmouth, the idiot, the optimist, the clown, the distraction, the scapegoat, the weakling. The list went on. But then again that was what he always showed them. In reality Ziggy had cocooned himself by this list and much more, had even began to convince himself that this was who he was. A part of him relished in it, the fact that he was normal though viewed as an idiot. A part of him hated it, he could never show the other side of him, the side that was serious and smart, and the part that could handle himself. But if he tapped into that, what would they think? Sooner or later they would find out if he showed them who he was. He wouldn't lie, he felt bad about lying, well at least to Dillon he did, but could he handle rejection again? Could he really handle them hating him?

He was an enigma as much as Dillon was, the only difference being the memories. They could understand Dillon as he had nothing to reflect on but him? He made his choices. They would never get him, never understand. All the things he's done, he did to survive, to live.

He wasn't a bad guy.

But would they see that?

He honestly had his doubts and the attachments he was making weren't helping at all. Every day he felt himself getting closer and closer to them and while their low view of him did sting, he still grew to care for them. Dillon was easily worming his way into his heart, he was the only one who seemed to take him seriously. Well, serious enough. The man was smart and Ziggy saw it, he knew Dillon had his suspicions, that he could at times see past the façade. Hell, there were times that he would push him but would eventually back off, which he was thankful for. A few times they had been interrupted by one of the rangers and not wanting to draw attention Dillon had dropped it. Ziggy had quickly found something that needed cleaning or fixing and got away.

Things had fallen into a routine, he would cheer on the rangers, do chores and errands for them all the while dodging the cartels and any of the minor street thugs that recognized him. So far he had been lucky, no one had gotten to him.

Yet.

He won't deny it, he was scared though not for himself. He now ran with the rangers as their "pet" as one had jokingly said, least he _hoped_ it had been a joke…And if they found out they could come here, it's not like the rangers location wasn't known. How easy would it be to wait to ambush him? Or sneak up on them and hurt the rangers?

In all reality he should leave the city but he couldn't. Once again, he had made attachments and even though he was scared that they would burn and wither just like all the other attachments he had made, he couldn't leave.

His stomach squirmed, he couldn't leave his friends even if they didn't view him as such, his best friend who had gotten him out of jail…Who he may or may not have feelings for.

He couldn't hold in the groan.

There was so much at stake here: jeopardizing the ranger's safety was doing the same for the city. It was basically letting Venjix win if his stupidity at not leaving caused them to become vulnerable. But he couldn't leave. No matter how much he wanted to march into his room, to pack and wait till the middle of the night and skip town, he couldn't. The wasteland was death. The streets were death. Everywhere was death. But if he stayed here the cartels could also bring everyone death…

He felt himself go down, why was he being so negative?

'**_Because you're an idiot and you're putting them all at risk. They don't even like you, they tolerate you because of Dillon and nothing more. You're holding onto this fantasy that they actually like you. You're being like this because if you get them hurt, it'll be your fault. After all, everything you care for burns. It's a fact of life_**.'

He flinched at the thought, it was true wasn't it? He was being so very selfish…Either way he loses.

"Ziggy?" he heard the knock on the door but he ignored it.

_'Dillon…'_

He felt his stomach flip. He shouldn't be too concerned for his safety, bionic man that he was but it was still there. He closed his eyes, breathing evenly, calming his nerves.

"You okay?"

Ah crap, he hadn't even waited.

He turned, his smile already in place, "Well yeah! Was just taking a breather." He said standing, stretching.

Dillon eyed him warily as he leaned on the window pane, unsure how to approach this.

"What's up?"

"Summer and Flynn are done with the food."

Ziggy smiled, "Finally! You know you guys really should feed me more often." He said motioning for Dillon to move from the window. With that he slipped back into the room meant for the green ranger.

He shook his head, "Why exactly do I always find you out there?" he asked.

Ziggy chuckled, "Well it's not occupied! I mean, it's easier since it doesn't belong to anyone," '_like me…_' "I don't have to worry about getting an earful, ya know what I mean?"

He felt a hand on his shoulder and he glanced back at him, "You sure you're alright Zig?"

He swallowed hard, that nickname… He forced the smile, hoping he couldn't tell, "Naw, I'm good. Just having some allergies and took some medicine. Kinda makes me loopy."

Dillon looked like he was about to protest when they heard Summer call out, "Come and get it before it's gone!"

And with that Ziggy pulled away, walking out quickly, smile already in place.

"So who wants to hear my newest get rich scheme? Power ranger cupcakes! Think about it? Each ranger can get a certain flavor and we play up the color scheme! We can even do megazords!"

* * *

So I totally watched this series in like a week or so because it's so darn addicting! I love the end of the world theme and while not perfect, it is easily in my top 3 PR of all time. 3 Yes, I loved it that much. And with that love came more back stories for my rangers, well, ranger. I love Ziggy, the heart of the team. But my mind being the twisted thing it is, I saw the potential for something...else. So the first thing I did? Check here and now I'm writing my own. And for the record, I cannot see Dillon and Summer anymore, the writers on here have totally ruined, I mean opened, my eyes to the new couple. x3 Thank you people! Plus, they just fit! So, I'm not sure whether to make this a one shot or not since I have his back story and have a general idea written out and how they eventually find out, but I would like to know what people think. There are some hints in there. So, yeah. Reviews would be lovely. :)


	2. Can't wish it all away

"Ziggy you just can't be a ranger!"

"I-I know that!"

"Really? Because you being in that costume isn't exactly showing that."

"Yeah Ziggy, this is permanent and dangerous, you could get seriously hurt. We need someone who can fight and watch our backs."

"No random kid can just walk off the street and suddenly become a ranger, you can't even handle yerself man! How are ye supposed to help us save the world?"

Ziggy was internally shrinking, it hurt but he kept that off his face, "Listen guys-"

"No! You need to realize this isn't a game! We're all in this because we have to protect the city, we all lost something here and that pushed us to work harder, to get rid of Venjix. And now you come in and decide **you** want to be a ranger, why because it's cool?!"

At that outburst from Scott, Ziggy's fingers clenched up, "Look-"

"There is absolutely no way that he can be Series Ranger Green. He is completely unqualified and the time and effort it would take to train him could jeopardize us. If he were remotely able to fight, perhaps we could work with him. But he has no experience what so ever, I doubt he would be able to function in a life or death situation."

"Doc you said this was permanent right?"

"Affirmative."

"Well then I suggest we all get used to the idea of Zig here being the newest addition to this freak show. There is absolutely nothing we can do to reverse it. So shut up and quit your whining, it won't change anything."

Ziggy shot Dillon a grateful look, he really hadn't meant to do it. Okay, so yes he had done it. But the alternative was to have Tenaya 7 have the morpher. What else was he supposed to have done?

"Yes but still-"

He twitched, he had enough, "Well next time I'll make sure to hand Tenaya 7 whatever technology she wants, not like she would use it against you guys. Who knows, maybe having the evil robot have control of the morpher would have been the better choice." He snapped and with that he walked out, demorphing fully as he made it to the living quarters.

He was annoyed and he'll admit it, angry. He hadn't lost anything?! Hadn't lost anyone?! As if! He had lost _everything_ he ever cared about, _everyone_ he cared for was always taken away from him. It always made him wonder if maybe he was cursed but then he would laugh, stuff like that wasn't real. Their words stung worse than ever before and he felt anger coursing through his veins, no matter the decision he made they would've been angry at him. Turn into the green ranger and they think it was a joke and he shouldn't have done it. Had he actually let Tenaya take the morpher then they would have called him weak and would've been angry that he couldn't have protected it. How was he supposed to win here?

He took a deep breath, trying to calm his nerves. Then he realized where he was and laughed, oh the irony! The sardonic grin grew at his realization of where he was, the room meant for the green ranger he had been using to escape from people, to get some privacy. It would now officially be his.

"I guess that's why they thought I had planned this or wanted this…" he mumbled as he took his spot outside his window on the emergency staircase.

He sighed, staring at nothing in particular.

"I lost too…" he said as he closed his eyes, bit his lip to keep from letting the emotions overrun him.

_"Ziggy Grover! What the hell have I told you about the cartels?! I told you not to get involve with them!" he yelped in pain at the smack on his head, "Gah! You are so infuriating! What exactly are you playing at?"_

_"Ah Tay, I had to. Don't you see it's how we can survive. Either way we live here, they'll be here, in this neighborhood. Nothing we do will change that. So might as well get in good with them. At least we have that protection."_

_"Ziggy I don't care! You went behind my back and joined them, all this time I thought you were working too! Turns out this is cartel money." Her voice lowered at the end. Disappointment._

_"Taylor look, I had to. Please understand I am working, doing what I have to do so we can live. I'll leave them once I get enough for us to move on." He took her face in his hands and he saw fear. She was afraid for him._

_"I just don't want to lose you to these people. You're my Ziggy, my sweet and strong Ziggy. Please, promise me you won't let them change you, won't let them win." She said softly, so unlike the side she showed anyone else, the side she reserved only for him. Guess that's why they attracted each other, "Promise me you won't get hurt."_

_"I promise you Taylor, don't worry. I won't get hurt and I won't let them change me. And I swear, the minute we have enough money saved up we disappear into the night for a new life. At least now with both of us working, we can get out of here as soon as possible. Things will be alright in the end. Promise."_

_"Okay Zig." _

He could almost feel her arms around him, as he held her, she had been so very afraid. But they had been strong. They were going to survive…Least that had been the plan. Before Venjix. Venjix ruined what happiness he had left.

"Zig?" His eyes snapped open and he realized Dillon was sitting beside him, "You okay?"

"Course Dillon," he was about to continue when he saw the look he shot him and he couldn't help but sigh, "No…I'm just…I dunno, angry? You know I wouldn't have done it unless I had no other choice, she would have gotten it and I guess I didn't think. Though having a worthless green ranger is better than having an evil version of Cameron out to get us…No need to give that Terminator more power right?" He joked.

"You did the right thing Zig and they'll come around, don't worry about it." He said nothing and for a few minutes there was only silence. Finally, "So, who did you lose?"

"What makes you ask that?" he asked casually though he was already looking for an escape, anyway he could leave without arousing suspicion.

"The way you reacted when they said you didn't lose anyone."

"They technically never said-"

"Ziggy." There was a warning there. He opened his mouth to protest but Dillon looked positively determined. He had a look that promised a world of pain if he didn't answer and answer honestly. Funny how good he had gotten at reading him.

"…Her name's Taylor." He said after a minute.

"Taylor?" he nodded, "Interesting name for a girl."

He couldn't help the snort there, "Yeah, definitely. What a wild card, loud and outgoing and could have you laughing in an instant. She could handle herself and tough as a diamond."

'_Ziggy stop comparing me to a diamond! That is so lame.' _

"A diamond?" there was a cocked brow there.

Ziggy chuckled, "yep. A diamond. She used to get so mad, she'd get all red and huffy too. But I think she secretly liked it cause she never did anything about it…" there was a long pause here, "I miss her."

Dillon didn't know what to say. He should have realized that Ziggy would had to have lost someone, hadn't everyone lost someone? But the way he was, he had never suspected it. It was odd seeing him to serious for once, no sly grin or witty remark. But at the same time, he knew the man could not have been all laughs.

Ziggy stood, "I'm tired, been a rough day. I'm going to bed okay?" he didn't give Dillon a chance to protest because just as quickly he was gone.

Dillon stayed there, knowing the young man wanted nothing more than privacy at this moment. So he allowed him ample time to at least get in bed and if he wanted, pretend to be asleep. After some time he stood, realizing that he was right about Ziggy. He truly was a more complex person that anyone gave him credit for and a part of him wanted to see just how complex he was.

* * *

This story line will not leave me! . GAH! And definitely slash, because I'm sorry this is an awesome couple that just compliments each other. So yeah, sorry if it feels a bit rushed. I just want to get to the good part where everyone else starts to realize Ziggy isn't who he seems and in order for that to happen, he has to be green ranger. And we need to get to the green ranger centric episodes. So yeah, time skipping at my disclosure. That and I'm taking liberties with his back story, guess that's why it's fanfiction huh? Yes? Yes.

Ban: Oh yes! The Ziggy angst! Gah! It is so addicting! I can't wait for everyone to realize that while yes, this is Ziggy it is also a mask. His personality is like that but that's not all there is to it. Glad you're intrigued, hopefully this one was good.


	3. Can't hope it all away

It had been a few weeks now since he had become the green ranger and Ziggy wasn't really allowed any free time. They insisted on him learning how to fight and to try to bulk up, build up resistance and what not. What they hadn't realized because he hadn't shown was that he: a) could run a good distance without getting out of breathe/stopping b) could handle a beating better than a regular guy and c) because of his time with the cartels and the neighborhood he used to live in, yes, he did know how to aim a gun, was a decent shot too.

He never told them this nor showed it because it would cause more problems than solve them. If it was one thing for sure, the rangers and Doctor K were very nosy, too nosy for his liking. After the initial reaction the rangers (okay, only Summer) had tried extending the olive branch and tried to get to know him. Had he shown what he knew then questions would have increased and he didn't want to open _that_ can of worms.

Besides, he liked the idea of learning proper fighting skills, not the crappy desperate fighting that comes with simply trying to survive.

So he had been forced to do these exercises while the good old doc worked with Dillon who was having issues activating his ability.

Finally he is able to be out and about, free from his endless training. He even ends up morphing with the team and fighting the bad guys. After the first few times, they no longer vocalize their displeasure at having him go.

* * *

The first time the explosion happens and he notices the flames behind him Ziggy nearly has a panic attack, he jumps away as the flames die out. Thankfully the others went straight for the Grinders, they never noticed his reaction. It takes him a few seconds but he wills his body to react and he moves forward, going for the grinders nearest him.

His mind is working twice as hard, trying to keep the fear at bay and trying to keep the grinders from destroying him. He wasn't paying much attention behind him though, a stupid mistake that would have cost him had Dillon not been watching out for him.

"Zig!" he yells out kicking the grinder away from him, "Are you okay?" he asks, now back to back.

"Y-yeah! Sorry! Just nervous, don't want to fail." He babbles on ducking from a swinging grinder.

"Ranger Series Green, focus!" Dr. K scolds him.

"Sorry!" he says once more, wincing, why does he always sound like a broken record? They dispatch the Grinders soon enough and he powers down along with the others. "I swear they need to increase security! How is it that these things keep getting in? I mean seriously are people sleeping on the job?" he grumbles.

Scott shakes his head, "Not sure. My dad is looking for the cause though, it's only a matter of time." Ziggy is surprised he actually answers his question and doesn't do it in a condescending way. He'll admit, it made him slightly happy at that, "You weren't too terrible but we will have to increase your training, they never attacked this much and you're nowhere near the level you should be." And there's the insult. He hides it well and just goes with it.

"I don't understand, before we would get an attack every once in a while but now…" Summer shook her head.

"Well there's nothing we can do now except do our duty. Let's head back then there's no point in wasting time here." Came Scott's response.

On the drive back Dillon was silent for the first half of the ride, "You're getting better." He states simply.

Ziggy smiles a bit at this though frowns as he looks out the window, "Yeah well, seems our fearless leader doesn't think so…"

"Scott's just being Scott, trust me you've improved greatly."

He turns to him, mouth wide in a smile, "Dillon…Thanks. Really. You…you make things bearable…" he whispers the last part.

A moment of silence, "You're not alone Zig, as much as a band of freaks this group is, we're the odd ones out. I have my memory loss and the fact I'm part machine and you…"

"I get it Dillon." Ziggy nodded, he understood completely. The conversation ended there.

It takes him a while to get used to the explosions, the walls of fire that could easily swallow him whole. But he keeps a brave face on. He learns to focus on the attack bots or grinders, he knows to move away from it as soon as possible so he doesn't see it or "feel" it. Does Dr. K comment on his spike in heartbeat? Absolutely. He was never one to hold back to which he simply replies that there's a wall of fire taller than him at times right **behind** him. Any normal person would be a little worried. He can hear the sigh and can almost imagine a man rubbing his temples asking what they did to deserve this. But he's left alone and he likes it, he doesn't want to go into details.

* * *

The second time he's caught off guard, it happens when they're fighting an attack bot, a bot who accidentally makes a fairly decent explosion, right **next** to him. He's lucky he didn't scream out, that he was slowly but surely getting used to the morphing explosions otherwise this would have frozen him more than it did. And he was lucky to be wearing the suit because that was the one consolation he had been giving himself, at least he wore a suit that protected him from the flames. And that Dillon was by him in an instant, helping him away from the area.

Dillon never pushed, never questioned. He knew something was wrong, that he was uneasy around the explosions. He never realized when but he had grown attuned to their jokester. On the battle field he was never too far off, taking care of him if he needed it. Even when they weren't fighting he was still acutely aware of where he was. He was also learning to read his body language, to catch the micro expressions that others would have never noticed. He wanted to get to the real Ziggy, the one underneath the mask.

"Zig, everything okay?" he can't help but ask after this particular battle.

"Hm? Oh yeah! Totally! Didn't you see how I didn't have my ass handed to me completely?" he says with a toothy grin as the others who are nearer than he thought let out some laughter.

He wants to push but the good old doc starts to talk and he can't help but feel annoyed with him. He always chose the worst times to start debriefing them.

Because he was acutely aware of him, he was able to see when Ziggy slips out and heads up the stairs to his room. He tries to follow but he's stopped by the doc which only causes him anger seeing as he didn't stop Ziggy. It somewhat pained him to see how Ziggy was still treated even after these last few weeks, even after he had helped them. After a few more minutes he's free and heading to Zig's room.

He makes sure to knock first but nothing so he opens it only to find him knocked out. He can't help the sigh that escapes him, after all he had wanted to know what exactly it was that freaked him out so much about those fire blasts. With one last look he closes the door before heading to his own room.

Ziggy sighs in relief, sitting up. That had been a close call, now all he needed was to stick close to the others or be where the doctor was watching over him and Dillon would never get a chance to question him. He can't help the slight flutter at the idea that someone was actually worried about him and that someone was the hard ass that was Dillon who seemed to be so protective of him. He smiles a bit.

Maybe things would look up after all?

* * *

So it's now three a.m. and I haven't been able to sleep. So I decided to look through my fics and see which one I would update, I wanted to do Arrow but eh, couldn't get into it. And I kinda wanted to start a Young Justice one too...Then I thought, who haven't I tormented in a while? (that would be most of my fics haha) but then hell, this came up. My apologies for the mistakes as I won't be going through this as it is the time it is. Though I'm still not sleepy hmm...Well crap, I have to be up in 4 hours to go to school and won't be back home till 6, nearly twelve hours later. GAH.

Anyways, hope it was good. Reviews are cool, let me know what you think. Now if you excuse me, I must attempt to sleep. Z.z Allonsy!


End file.
